26 June 2017

24 June 2017

Date Before Fly


Last travel before moving to a new place, was for a teambuilding organized by the partner. Since the flight was re-time, and kids at school, so Hasif decided to sent me over to KLIA, and stopped over for a quick drink.

Woweeeeeeeeee....the best time awaited. 

I love talking to this guy.

Because when he talks, its always structured with an organized idea. Love the way his flow of thoughts and I know its something that i really need to improve on.

And somehow, just realised maybe this was what the main attraction when we first met 15 years ago.


Moga Allah permudahkan.

22 June 2017

Its the Holy Ramadhan 1438H


I am refraining myself from writing in Ramadhan, because I know it will be full of loop side emotions.  

Its too overwhelming, I always found myself crying during meetings,  or simply when am writing a report or a proposal, just whenever that flashes of memories flooded back.

Its all good memories. And crying because I am in so need to have it all again, or at least to share it with my beloved family now, my kids, for them to indulge in the same experiences too.

Back then, when I was small, Ramadhan is a festive for the family. Emak will woke us all from sleeping by touching our feets. And when one of us refuse to woke up (this normally my clingy sister 😌), Abah will carry her to the dining table....

And Iftar is ceremoniously celebrated. Just tell what you want to have, it will definitely be on the table. Have I told you that Emak is one with persistent banner against all junkies (including ice cream)? and Abah is totally opposite, just tell, or as simple as when you are watching television and suddenly the advertisement went up full blast, and point your finger - abah nak!!!!. It will be on the dining table. With emak rolling her eyes. Haha.

Normally, 2 hours before Iftar, emak and abah will start the cooking. With the helper. And my sisters (not me) will setup the dining table following orders from emak. It has to be in a set. If for that particular day, the plate is white in color, the accompanying glass, or serving plate should all come in from the same set of design and color.

And the table donning will always to perfection, symmetrical. Hotel's setting. Haha. And amongst all 4, Gow is the only one with this attitude. I dont really care if my plate is in red rectangle shape, and Hasif's in blue round shape. 

And normally after Iftar, we all will go to Mosque for Terawih...and celebrate each Terawih completion with Moreh at home. Its just full of laughter. A family get together. Where you can tell all your stories (including who you likes and hates in school). There is no judgement. Never. Emak and Abah manage to create this tradition of us eating together (a must) and regardless how hateful your fight with the siblings before , you have to get it down and settle and all smile for the dishes. That's the rule.

And when I was grown up, have a family on my own, am really trying to instill the same tradition. So far its work , except for the part of Emak cook herself, Hasif will do that part. Not me.

That was the happy moments.

And 3 years ago, when Abg Chik passed away just before Aidilfitri, the emotion
goes roller coaster. How you marry a moment of happiness with sadness of the passing of your elder brother? I can't.

And this year, Mama was leaving us 4 months before Ramadhan. The 2nd bullet hit. How to forgive yourself of not looking after your Mama dearly, or not doing your best to gave her the best of this world, or not thanking her enough for all the sacrifices she had made for the family? 

Even until now, despite all the efforts, am still questioning myself, why am I not taking unpaid leave to look after Mama when she was sick. Why I said yes when the doctor wants to insert those loop in mama's trachea to help her breathing? Have I made the right decision for saying yes, or it was actually the act that worsen Mama's condition and led to her death. Have I , the in law, made the wrong decision that made the whole family losing their mother?

So.. that Ramadhan this year to me. a whirlwind emotions. Going to office with pairs of panda eyes. Going to bed in worry should I accidentally sleep through the nights and miss those moments to seek His forgiveness. 

So...that's me. Now.

I hope this will gone soon.

Happy Ramadhan to you. Do cherish every moments you have now, for you will never knew how long it would last.

20 June 2017

INFO : Benefit of Fasting


One of my colleague, is a free thinker, but he used to fast together with Muslim during Ramadhan. Why? 

Then he gave me these benefits (from his point of view):

Provides tranquility of the heart and mind

There is intense spiritual meaning to Ramadan for those who fast. Muslims practice generosity by being charitable, family-bonding by gathering around the iftar table, spirituality by praying, and self-control by practicing good manners. 
All these habits build a feeling of peace, tranquility and self-satisfaction.

Improves your blood fat levels

A study conducted in 1997 in the Annals of Nutrition Metabolism demonstrated that fasting lowered bad “LDL” cholesterol levels by 8 percent, triglyceride by 30 percent, and increased good “HDL” levels by 14.3 percent thereby protecting your heart from cardiovascular disease.

This can be explained by our eating and exercise habits. In Ramadan, people tend to go for healthier options such as dates, nuts, lentil soup, and home cooked meals. Studies have noted that overall saturated fat consumption, usually found in butter, lard, fatty meat, and fast food, is reduced in Ramadan. In addition, the night prayers of “tawarih” may provide an adequate level of physical activity equivalent to moderate physical activity which, for some, may be more than they usually exercise.

May help you overcome addictions

Addictions can come in all shapes and forms and Ramadan provides an excellent opportunity to ditch them. Because Ramadan teaches you self-restraint for most of the day, you will come to realize that forgoing your addiction all together may not be has hard as you think!
Choose one addiction to drop this Ramadan. It could be an addiction to smoking, lying, chocolate, or even gossiping and say your good-byes.

Promotes fat breakdown and weight loss

Calorie consumption is overall decreased in Ramadan. Of course if you’re binge-eating on Arabic sweets that’s not going to happen. However, if you maintain your usual eating habits, you are very likely to eat less amounts of food and lose weight. This is especially true in Ramadan, when your source of Energy during your fast is mainly fat. Trying to stay lightly active during the day can promote even more fat break-down.

Ramadan may be the perfect opportunity to re-train yourself and get back on track of eating healthy. When you fast, you learn to control your cravings. As a result, by the end of Ramadan you’ll have stronger will-power and you will have re-gained the strength to say no to tempting food.

Source : http://english.alarabiya.net

18 June 2017



Mama bagi telekung ni masa bertunang.

Mama cakap : Selamat datang dalam keluarga mama. Terima baik & buruk. Jaga adik beradik, air dicincang tak akan putus.

Cuma, kalau air yang keluar tu dari air paip, tak sempat keluar, dah ada orang tutup pili paip, macam mana? Atau air tu duk dalam kolah, terkepung, dan sebab dah terlebih muatan, kolah pecah dan meleleh keluar. Ada air mengalir terus masuk longkang , ada yang mengalir masuk terus ke dalam parit (ada ke?). Memang tak sempat dah nak kena cincang.Memang terus memasing membawa diri.

Sedih. Susah hati. Confuse. Macam mana nak tanya mama ni... mama dah tak ada 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭.

Saya selalu cakap pada Hasif : selepas berkahwin, kehidupan saya adalah suami dan anak2. Sahabat boleh dikira, sebab cara saya, biarlah saya tidak popular, atau tidak ramai kawan, tapi kawan2 yang saya ada, bila mana saya perlukan mereka, mereka sentiasa ada bersama saya. Jumpa mungkin 10 tahun sekali, tidak pernah berselfie atau berfoto seragam, tapi kami tahu tautan hati melangkaui masa itu. Biarlah saya dan hasif tidak kaya, giat membeli belah sini sana atau bercuti dalam dan luar negara, janji makan pakai wajib kami sempurna, dan duit yang diguna memang insyaAllah hak kami sendiri. Bukan mengambil hak orang lain.

Buatlah apa sahaja. Hatta mungkin mengambil hak saya. Saya tidak akan bersuara. Cuma, pantang saya, apabila menyentuh hal suami dan anak2 saya. Mungkin pantang, sebab arwah mak masa hidup, itu juga yang betul2 ditekan. Keluarga. Nukleus kita.

Kenapa saya emosi? Sebab pantang itu telah dicabar. Saya ditegur apa boleh dan tidak boleh dalam hubungan saya dan Hasif. Yang  menegur ini, saya hormati atas dasar saudara itu, tapi mereka ini tidak pernah menyumbang hatta memberi kesan dalam kehidupan kami. Bahasa kasar : ada atau tiada, tiada impak.

Saya menulis sebab saya tahu dia membaca. Dan ya, saya sudah putuskan sebarang komunikasi, kerana pada saya ia lebih membawa mudarat. Doa saya pada Allah awal Ramadhan ini, satukan hati2 saya dan keluarga demi Allah, pada tautan yang membawa mawaddah dan rahmah. Jauhkan dan putuskan tautan itu jika ia membawa lebih banyak mudarat dalam kehidupan berkeluarga kecil kami. 

Dan apabila ini terjadi, saya masih tidak tahu, adakah Allah menjawab doa saya, atau Allah berikan ini sebagai ujian pada saya.

Masa akan menjawab. Masa juga akan menentukan. Andai hati sudah menerima, parut itu masih ada. Ibarat paku dipahat di dinding kayu, walaupun paku sudah dicabut, kesannya di kayu kekal sehingga akhir.

Maafkan saya. Doa saya moga kalian bahagia. Dalam rahmat Allah.

16 June 2017

My Little Imani and Her Ambition


Imani asked for my help to print her 1st attempt at 80-words-essay competition. I knew she was on this writing thingy from the past 1 week, but put no real attention to it. One - I know she can write it well. Two - Imani is a smart girl. Alhamdulillah. I have no worry for her study yet. 

Yup. Its not a good action. Regardless of her current achievement, I SHOULD NOT take it for granted. She can use the attention. And damn well, she may crave for it. My bad.

So, when she sent me the email and asked me to print it, I just simply print the paper and not really reading it. There were two topics, My family and My Ambition. Only during on the way back home, whilst nothing to read on, I really grab the paper and read thoroughly.

It sent bullets deep to my heart.



She put her thoughts in her writing and well, I can really relate. Its as if she wrote her heart out. You know the writing is honest when it touched your inner-self, don't you?


This is my nonchalant-little-daughter-who-has-an-attitude-like-her-father. And I am beyond surprise for her kind thoughts. 

For now, I am glad. For once, I know, if she stays root to her origin, and believe only Allah is the best guidance, she can survive. And now I know should I am fated to leave her, I can left her with an open heart.

Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah.

14 June 2017

Jom Kejar Lailatul Qadr


Ramadhan is always an emotional month for me.

And for this year, its a double hit. 1st Ramadhan without mama. Heartbreakingly lonely.

Still, embracing this Holy Month is a must for all of us. And again, its officially a Treasure Hunt for Malam Lailatul Qadr. May all of us manage to secure the night, and please include me in you dua'.

Amin Amin Amin. Barakkalhuma fikum.