As he can count with 10 fingers only my friends and truthfully wonders, as he saw many instances that I received recognition in letter, wa, or via a simple delivery. He said, those people really appreciate me and consider me as their bestfriends and i, sometimes, can barely remember theirs.
What the hell am I doing blocking all the closeness and choose to built the wall around me. Arrogant to one extend.
Haha, this is not a posting to boost oneself, it is actually a confession why sometimes people do not let others to enter in their life, though on surface they are very warm and easy to approach with.
I do not know what its being called psychologically, I do know, the main reason I have to maintain this barrier : I fear rejection, and hate the fact that one day I have to say goodbye. Afraid of liking too much, at the end, the person would left me alone nursing the pain. I bet its got something to do with Abah, Mak and Abg Chik leaving us. Not questioning takdir, just preventing myself from further sadness or depression....
Those closer one will understand, I may not be calling them on daily basis, heck, its sometimes takes months, even with all these latest IT and gadget in existence. But that does not mean I do not care about you. I did. I really do. And I always pray for the well being of people around me. Isn't it the best gift a friend could give?
So my dear friends (and you particularly : i know you are reading this), this is why am so hurt when those things happening. Too hurt till i felt only numb. For a person to lower down the barrier, and welcome you in his life, is the highest stake he is willing to do for you. And once you are in, the trust are all yours. But once those trust is compromise, there will be no more 2nd chance. Forgiven. But not forgotten. Time will heal. But the marks will remain.
And dear readers, if you happen to have friends like me (haha), do not confuse with their personality. They just love you for who you are, and really appreciate you in so many ways undefined, and willing to go under for you. Its just that, they wont show it, Will never have that display of affection. so dont be hurt.
Just be friends. With no obligations and expectations.