Inferiority Complex vs Middle Child Syndrome

Assalamualaikum...

It's been a while 😌.

Kali ni, kena menulis panjang, untuk kongsi kisah inferiority complex ni. Kalau google, maksud lebih kurang adalah :

an unrealistic feeling of general inadequacy caused by actual or supposed inferiority in one sphere, sometimes marked by aggressive behaviour in compensation

Kisahnya pula: 

Harith anak no.2. Selalu kita akan sebut Middle Child Syndrome. Sama ada dia extreme sopan atau extreme ganas, tapi selalu dan kebiasaan nya akan menjadi yang unik. Bila tengok dorang bertiga ni, memang nampak kakak dan adik lebih kurang sama, yang tengah ni berbeza. Unik....rasa tiga2 sama bab tu. 

Kami perasan Harith ada masalah ni bila dia umur 4 tahun. Ada beberapa tanda yang kami nampak ada pada beliau. Contohnya:

1. Menolak untuk ikut aktiviti yang perlu tunjuk skill walaupun sebenarnya skill tu dah ada
2. Untuk mana-mana pertandingan contohnya sukan selalu Harith akan tarik diri dan duduk belakang dan bagi macam2 alasan dengan ayat - Abang tak boleh buat ni mama
3. Dan kami perasan, bila ada celebration, kakak atau adik naik pentas, walaupun hanya untuk ambil scroll tadika, Harith akan tengok dan tenung dan zone out. Kemudian muka sedih seperti dia dah gagal sebab tak naik pentas juga.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Kami bawa jumpa Pediatrician, untuk assess apa masalah, dan sama ada perlu bawa jumpa Psychologist. Nak faham apa kami sebagai parents perlu buat untuk bantu. Dan paling penting apa yang kami dah buat salah sebagai parents. Dan dari discussion, kami faham punca yang boleh sebabkan masalah ini pada anak-anak.

1. Parents selalu tunjuk tidak puas hati atau tidak setuju
2. Cara anak ni dibesarkan
3. Komen negatif yang berterusan
4. Komen dan kritik yang tak habis - habis
5. Perasaan dibandingkan
6. Keputusan akademik yang mungkin rendah berbanding lain

1 hingga 5, macam deliberately tidak ada kami buat. Tapi Harith ni by nature seorang yang sensitif. Bila marah adik, dia yang terasa dan nangis. Bila tegur kakak, dia yang merajuk. Jadi kami risau mungkin dia perasan perkara yang salah.

Kemudian,  Harith macam duduk dalam bayang bayang kakak dia. Imani kami kira perjalanan akademik mudah.Top 3 sentiasa. Wakil sekolah juga banyak. Sepupu-sepupu Harith juga mostly scorer. Mungkin bila bercerita, walaupun kami yakin tidak pernah niat membandingkan, tapi  mungkin dia fikir yang lain.

Kami cuba. And Allah tahu sangat mencabar. Dengan Harith kena lebih banyak puji. Kena lebih banyak explain. Kena paling sabar. Nak bagi yakin, kami cuba expose apa yang dia boleh join.

We landed with Rugby. Team pertama yang dia join, Team ni selalu menang, sebab aim to win in every game .He was called name. Dipanggil noob, dipanggil gemuk etc. Termasuk dari parents, konon niat mengusik, BUT IT WAS DETRIMENTAL. Darjah 1, walaupun team dia ada yang baik, yang mengejek override the impact yang menyokong.  And we cant interfere. Its for him to deal with. For him to learn how to live in this world.Ini tak termasuk di buli dalam kelas sebab saiz badan.

Kemudian, when he move to Primary 2, we changed the rugby team. Kami masukkan dalam Cobra, kami ikut juga pilihan dia yang minta nak join karate macam Imani.

Allah sangat mudahkan perjalanan baik pulih ni. Di Cobra, team Harith sangat positif. Coach mengajar bukan untuk menang semata. Atau target nak main untuk wakil negara..or masuk SBP etc. Tak ada lansung. Coach ajar value yang rugby tu bawa untuk anak-anak ni. 

Baru-baru ini, Harith terhigh tackle opponent dia. Memang salah. Dan Hasif jerit sokong. Dan Coach marah Hasif (hahahah padan muka) sebab applause benda salah anak dah buat. But i really can understand why Hasif did that. 

The 4 years journey was very painful. To get him to stand up for himself. To tell him its ok to make mistake. Its ok to acknowledge he did that mistake. Its ok not to be the no.1. That he can always try , fail but just try and re-bounce. And then ,to witness him with that bravery, that confidence, definitely priceless. 

Things are getting better now. Alhamdulillah. Harith makin berani. Semakin ada keyakinan. Jadi ketua kelas untuk sekolah pagi dan petang. Harith dapat gold untuk karate. Dia minta masuk juga lawan individu karate, dan almost win. Minta masuk teater supaya boleh bercakap atas pentas.

Semua adalah benda yang kami tak terfikir lansung dia akan buat. Dan kami berdoa hari-hari semoga dia berani untuk buat. And he did it.

It was indeed a long painful journey, Yet to accomplish, still work in progress. But the result that we are seeing now, mustahil akan jadi kalau tidak ada support dari semua. Cikgu yang beri kepercayaan, Coach yang sentiasa berikan kata-kata positif dan semangat,  Master dan ibubapa yang sentiasa ajar, dan orang sekeliling yang sentiasa menyokong.

Jadi, kalau anak-anak you all ada  masalah sama, get help. Fast. Anak-anak kita hebat. Do not underestimate their capability. Its up to us - the parents how we want to curate their character.

7 July 2019

Assalamualaikum...

I for once will not missed this date.

But I did , this year.

We planned for a girls trip, for the weekend, and cancelled due to Tokcik's condition. And seriously, am totally forgotten my own anniversary.

And Hasif remember. Haha.

Happy Anniversary to 1 person who made it all matters.  For all the upsides and downs..for all the happiness and sadness, what are us without Him reminding and giving.

Terima kasih Hasif. Selagi Allah beri keizinan, moga hati kita dikekalkan.

Amin

Bye bye Buddy...

Assalamualaikum...

Quite devastating. When your best friend finally made her decision. To leave the company.

Erm. I am happy for her. Truthfully. The best decision a mother could ever made. A noble sacrifice for the sake of the children. And she has a good material and stability at home. Hence the decision.

I am sad for a selfish reason . For myself. Literally.

We have been friends since Allah knows how long. From day 1 I joined IIUM Matriculation Center, she was one of those, who always part of the circle. When we continued our study in main campus, albeit in a different colleges, we manage to make it, a constant meet up. By me dirtying her ever clean and tidy room, or hijacking her lunch or dinner or even supper session with her mates.

She is a good person. The acceptance haha..was 1 sided, I don't even think she considered me as a friend then, as she has abundance to choose from. But should I have exceedingly need to annoy people, she will be the first target.

The climax and was the anticlimax then, when I was foolishly fall for her cousin. And the cousin , well, figuratively put the blame on her for the broke up. Whilst nurturing the pain, alone, I was detaching myself from her, and from everything who reminded me of him. To the extend, I was contemplating not to attend her wedding, for fear of meeting the cousin. 

It went for a good 2 or 3 years of odd. Until I got the offer to join this company, I've contacted her for advice. And the remaining was history.

Telling you the truth, working in a big company like this, to trust people is almost a zero possibility of occurence. Everyone is in their agenda to move up. The ups and downs is real, and you need a very strong support to keeps you insane. She was one of those, together with the other 1 and now 2, who were also originally from IIUM, who always made their time for me.

And now she will be leaving for good. Will have minus one ears to listen to my annoying streak, and buddy to shop. To fight.

Hermmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Good luck to you buddy. We are happy for you. Allah put a person in our life for a reason, He put us on a situation also for future betterment which is yet visible to us. Trust Allah. Trust yourself. And please remember us.

InsyaAllah.

The telly tell session. Smiles hiding those teary eyes. Sob Sob.