Working-at-office-mother vs Working-at-home-mother

Assalamualaikum..

Many asked what my takes was. Which one I preferred? And why I choose to do what I do now.

Huh..breath in deeply…..

What my takes?

When I was at home looking after the kids, I regret the fact that I have been so out of my kids life for the past 7 years. I felt guilty for my kids. I missed the moments when I SHOULD bath them in the morning, missed the quality time when I SHOULD eat and play and pray together with them. I barely remember the first steps they have taken to learn on any new things. That and so many more things that I have to forgo in order to give my kids a quality life. And this are things that you as a stay at home mother should be grateful with. TIME you spend with the kids and watching them growing in front of you.

I could not turn back time. I could not afford to waste my unpaid leave regretting things that I can’t undo, thus I choose to enjoy every moment Allah has granted me.

Its not easy. Since I was a kid, I had soooooo many domestic helper (mine the most numbers as they always leaving for my ‘good’ behaviour J ). And suddenly I am on my own, with no helper, only 3 screaming kids. Initially, I did all by myself, from cleaning, cooking and teaching. By 9pm every day I will be like a walking corpse.

2^nd week, I changed my strategy. Call me a cheater, somehow you just need to know your limit and what you really want. I’ve started to outsource things that I am not an expert. Eg. Ironing my husband’s working shirt and pants. I’ve sent them to laundry for pressing. Or cleaning the ceiling or the fan or the carpet, I hire a part time cleaner to do the job once in 2 weeks. As a result, I have more time to play and simply just sit together and share stories with my kids.

And too indulge in the beauty of life that I have missed for so long, I almost choose to tender my resignation. Only and only when my eldest told me that she would be happier if I return to work, I changed my decision.

Coming back after almost a year leaving the corporate jungle, I almost down to my knee on the 1^st day of working. Physically drained, emotionally exhausted, and pondering whether my decision to come back is the best. It’s being called corporate jungle for a reason. Because it’s really a jungle. Whether you play the game right, fight and survive or just raise your white flag and it is a game over for you.

I hate leaving the kids in the hand of an outsider. I hate the game and the culture in my office. Going home at 5pm is a major sin. Stay in office until 10pm, and you are an angel. No matter how good you are, its not your CV that matters, but how smart you work and WHO you knows are the tips. And always the 2^nd will brings you up faster.

Which one I prefer?

I love being at home, taking care of my kids and watching them fighting and crying and then in peace again. However, during the process, I believe I have de value my own self. I can see that my eldest think I am a no smarter than her dad, any question she will write it down and wait for her dad to return home for an answer. And as human, when everything is taken care off, you tend to let go. You failed to appreciate and be thankful for it. And this is the time when suddenly we had a communication breakdown in our marriage. She thinks she was being unappreciated. He thinks she was being bossy as she will ask what time he will be coming home. 

And here it comes, the money. Alhamdulillah we survive the whole period, still manage to have fun, still have the allocation for entertainment and good food, yet 1 income is different than 2 income. I can give my kid good school with one income. Yet I can give my kid good school and extra paid curricular activities like an art classes with 2 income.

Why I choose to do what I do now?

I choose to return to work because I don’t want to lose my identity. I want my kids and my spouse to respect and acknowledge my existence with the value that I can brings home.

And when I choose to work, I know watching the kids growing in front of my eyes will be an expense. So I have to learn to balance. And to appreciate quality time. 24 hours a day means nothing if you are sitting next to each other with your eyes staring to your hp..or ipad..or tv  compared to 1 hour exchanging stories of the day.

So mothers, choose and decide wisely.